Pledge to America

My fellow Americans, I have a pledge to you.

If elected, I will eat nachos.

See, I know that America has become cynical and paranoid because of presidents like Nixon and Bush who have ushered in a new era of general distrust for the government. Now, I have just made a promise to you that I KNOW I can keep.

Here's another: If elected, I will be America's most recent president.

As is readily apparent, I am two steps ahead of all other politicians. Ball's in your court, Gingrich.